Dating a male victim of sexual abuse
They fear being ignored, laughed at, disbelieved, shamed, accused of weakness, or questioned about being gay.Perhaps worst of all, men fear being blamed for the assault because they were not "man enough" to protect themselves in the face of an attack. Yes, but it's not nearly as common as male-on-male assault.When it happened to me I was young, cute and totally disinterested in the "friends" who raped me. A rapist is similar to a bully in the schoolyard picking on smaller kids so he can feel "bigger." It is possible that the friends who raped me did it because they knew I would never sleep with them in a million years willingly. Maybe they wanted to have sex with me but they knew that I wouldn't, and out of anger and resentment decided that they were going to have sex with me with or without my permission.I thought that maybe they had wanted me bad and knew they couldn't have me so they resorted to rape as it was the only way to "get" me. That night, they put something in my drink so they could do it without fear of me remembering or finding out (or so they thought...).What you should know about men who have been sexually assaulted Rape is a men's issue for many reasons.One we don't often talk about is the fact that men are sexually assaulted.Since starting counseling, my ability to trust has greatly decreased.For some reason, talking about what happened has opened whole new metaphorical can of worms.
Because of society's confusion about the role that attraction plays in sexual assault and about whether victims are responsible for provoking an assault, even heterosexual male survivors may worry that they somehow gave off "gay vibes" that the rapist picked up and acted upon. Over time, they may also question their sexual identity, act out in a sexually aggressive manner, and even downplay the impact of the assault. While many convicted sex offenders have a history of being sexually abused, most male survivors do not become offenders.The truth is that the great majority of male survivors have and never and will never sexually assault anyone. If a man is raped by another man, does it mean he's gay? While gay men can be raped (often by straight men), a man getting raped by another man says nothing about his sexual orientation before the assault, nor does it change his sexual orientation afterwards. C., psychotherapist and co-director of the Men’s Rape Prevention Project.Since writing about this publicly, many people, mainly men, have argued with me that rape is an act that men cannot help executing because of their "natural" sexual drives and desires.This misconception is also the reason why victim-blaming excuses often fly without much questioning from others.